Log 10

c: Nov 20, 2023

We are almost ten days away from the final month of this year. My thesis will be completed by the end of this month, leaving only the task of finding employment. I anticipate an improvement in my living conditions. Today, I experienced a profound realization. Within me, there’s a character who is evil and vicious, yearning to break free. This character is kept in check by my rationality. This morally questionable character is charismatic, manipulative, and utterly devoid of empathy. It relentlessly pursues its goals, whether through sheer willpower, hard work, and determination or via manipulation.

What intrigues me is the existence of a third path. This involves convincing oneself of one’s lies, while the true, internal intentions remain hidden in the consciousness. This approach works remarkably. By believing in the goodness of one’s actions and the nobility of one’s cause, one can persuade others more easily, as the conviction in the lie masks any ulterior motives lurking in the subconscious.

What I’ve written is a hypothesis that will be tested over time. This contradictory concept, which doesn’t seem to exist elsewhere, may be related to some form of cognitive dissonance. It leads to a mind that operates in two ways: being genuinely kind yet deceitfully cunning. Observing how things unfold in such a context is fascinating. The proclaimed visions of people are often deceptive. The victors are those who take action. There’s a penalty for inaction, and society knows how to exact it severely. Every moment of life should lead to action, deemed necessary for survival.

The inner thoughts that I came through are something that many great people in the past must have realized in one form or another. There is this duality in human nature and the duality when faced with reality creates all this complexity. A person born true to one nature is free. A person who is born in one way but wants to live in another is never free in this material world.